Do you find yourself pulled toward relationships that ultimately leave you feeling hurt or unseen? Perhaps you're quick to assume the worst when a partner is distant, or you find yourself pushing people away when they get too close. Maybe you swing between desperately wanting connection and then feeling overwhelmed when you have it. As an online counsellor working with clients in the Reading area, I've seen how Complex PTSD (CPTSD) can create challenging patterns in relationships that leave you feeling trapped in cycles of pain and disconnection.

Understanding CPTSD and Relationships

CPTSD typically develops from prolonged trauma, especially in childhood or other situations where escape was difficult or impossible. Unlike single-incident trauma, these experiences shape how you view yourself, others, and relationships on a fundamental level.

All attachment styles are formed from birth to 5 years of age and are shaped by our interactions with our main caregiver, which is usually our mother. When trauma occurs during this critical period, it can profoundly impact how you connect with others throughout your life.

Common Relationship Patterns with CPTSD

Trust and Safety

You might find it nearly impossible to feel safe in relationships. Even with trustworthy partners, a part of you remains on high alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This hypervigilance can leave you exhausted and your partners feeling mistrusted without understanding why.

The Push-Pull Dance

One of the most common patterns involves alternating between seeking intense closeness and pushing people away. You might crave connection deeply, then feel overwhelmed and retreat when you get it. This confusing dance can leave both you and your partners feeling disoriented and hurt.

Emotional Intensity

CPTSD often involves difficulty regulating emotions. Small disagreements might trigger intense emotional responses that seem disproportionate to others but feel very real to you. These emotional storms can dominate relationships and create cycles of crisis.

Attraction to the Familiar

You might find yourself drawn to partners who feel familiar—even when that familiarity involves chaos or pain. This isn't a conscious choice, but rather your nervous system seeking patterns it recognises, even unhealthy ones.

Breaking Free from These Patterns

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward changing them. With awareness and support, you can begin to:

• Identify your triggers and emotional responses
• Develop new ways of communicating needs and boundaries
• Build skills for emotional regulation
• Create safety within yourself
• Gradually form healthier relationships

As a counsellor specialising in trauma and relationships, I've supported many clients in understanding and transforming these patterns. While CPTSD can create significant challenges in relationships, healing is possible.

Don't hesitate to reach out and schedule a session. Together, we can explore how CPTSD has shaped your relationship patterns and develop strategies for creating the healthy, fulfilling connections you deserve. Your journey toward understanding and healing your relationships starts with recognising these important patterns and finding the right support.