Picture this: you're walking on eggshells in your own home. Every conversation feels like navigating a minefield. Your partner's mood dictates the entire household atmosphere, and you find yourself constantly adjusting your behaviour to avoid conflict. Sound familiar? As an online counsellor working with clients in the Reading area, I've seen how these subtle patterns of control can be just as damaging as physical violence - sometimes even more so.
Understanding the Bigger Picture
The Power and Control Wheel, developed by the Duluth Model in the 1980s, revolutionised how we understand domestic abuse. It reveals a startling truth: physical violence is merely the tip of the iceberg. Beneath the surface lies a complex web of tactics designed to maintain power and control over another person.
Why does this matter? Because many people experiencing abuse don't recognise it as such. They might think, "Well, they've never hit me, so it's not abuse." But abuse isn't just about bruises you can see - it's about the invisible chains that bind someone's spirit.
The Eight Tactics That Define Control
The wheel identifies eight primary tactics abusers use:
Using intimidation - those looks, gestures, or actions that make you afraid
Emotional abuse - the put-downs, name-calling, and mind games that chip away at your self-worth
Isolation - systematically cutting you off from friends, family, and support networks
Economic abuse - controlling finances to create dependency
Using children - manipulating parental relationships as weapons
Exploiting power imbalances - whether gender, cultural, or social privilege
Coercion and threats - the explicit or implicit promises of consequences
Minimising and blaming - making you question your own reality
These tactics work together like spokes on a wheel, with physical and sexual violence forming the rim that holds everything together. Even when physical violence isn't present, these psychological tactics can be devastatingly effective.
Why Traditional Views Fall Short
We've been conditioned to think abuse looks like dramatic scenes from films - obvious violence, clear victims and perpetrators. Reality is far more nuanced. Control can be exercised through seemingly caring behaviours. "I'm just worried about you" becomes justification for monitoring every movement. "I'm protecting you" masks isolation from loved ones.
This series will explore each aspect of the Power and Control Wheel, helping you recognise these patterns whether you're experiencing them yourself or supporting someone who might be. Knowledge truly is power - especially when it comes to breaking free from control.
If you're questioning whether what you're experiencing constitutes abuse, trust your instincts. Don't hesitate to reach out for support. Together, we can explore these patterns and help you reclaim your autonomy and peace of mind.