In my previous blog, I introduced the Power and Control Wheel and why it's crucial for understanding abuse beyond physical violence. Now, let's examine each tactic in detail. As an online counsellor working with clients in the Reading area, I've witnessed how recognising these patterns can be the first step towards reclaiming your life.

Using Intimidation

This isn't always obvious threats. It's the smashed phone. The punched wall. Those looks that make your stomach drop. Actions designed to instil fear without necessarily touching you. You learn to read their mood, anticipate their reactions, modify your behaviour just to keep the peace.

Emotional Abuse

The constant criticism. Being told you're stupid, worthless, or crazy. Name-calling disguised as "jokes". Humiliation in front of others. These tactics systematically chip away at your self-esteem until you genuinely believe you're the problem.

Isolation

Gradually, subtly, you're cut off from everyone who matters. They don't like your friends. Your family's "interfering". Work colleagues are "bad influences". Before you realise it, they've become your entire world, exactly as they intended.

Economic Abuse

Controlling all finances. Making you account for every penny. Preventing you from working or sabotaging your job. Creating complete financial dependency so leaving feels impossible.

Using Children

Making you feel guilty about parenting decisions. Threatening custody. Using children to relay messages or gather information. Undermining your authority as a parent.

Using Privilege

Treating you like a servant. Making all major decisions. Defining rigid roles based on gender, culture, or other power dynamics. Acting as though they're inherently superior.

Coercion and Threats

Threats to leave, hurt themselves, report you to authorities, or harm loved ones. Making you do illegal things. The constant sense that there will be consequences for non-compliance.

Minimising, Denying, and Blaming

Perhaps the most insidious tactic. "It wasn't that bad." "You're too sensitive." "You made me do it." Making you question your own reality and perception until you doubt yourself completely.

Why These Work Together

These tactics rarely exist on their own. They interweave, creating a web that's extraordinarily difficult to escape. Each reinforces the others, trapping you in patterns that feel inescapable.

Understanding these tactics is crucial. If you recognise these patterns in your relationship, please know that support is available. Don't hesitate to reach out for support. Recognising control is the first step towards breaking free.