Do you find yourself confused by the tangle of uncomfortable emotions that arise when you've made a mistake or faced social awkwardness? Perhaps you've been carrying feelings that weigh heavily on you, but you're not quite sure what to call them or how to process them. As an online counsellor working with clients in the Reading area, I often help people understand these three distinct but related emotions: guilt, shame and embarrassment.

Understanding Guilt

Guilt is what we feel when we believe we've done something wrong. It's focused on our behaviour rather than our character. You might think, "I made a mistake" or "I shouldn't have said that." Guilt can actually be healthy because it motivates us to make amends, apologise or change our behaviour. It's an emotion that can lead to positive action.

Understanding Shame

Shame goes much deeper. Rather than focusing on what we've done, shame attacks who we are. With shame, the thought becomes "I am bad" rather than "I did something bad." Shame can stem from childhood experiences and can be toxic, leading us to hide, withdraw and believe we're fundamentally flawed. Unlike guilt, shame rarely motivates positive change because it's so deeply painful.

Understanding Embarrassment

Embarrassment is typically the lightest of these three emotions. It's what we feel when we've had a socially awkward moment, made a minor mistake in public or been caught in an uncomfortable situation. Embarrassment usually fades relatively quickly and doesn't carry the same weight as guilt or shame. Most of us can laugh about embarrassing moments once enough time has passed.

Why These Distinctions Matter

Understanding which emotion you're experiencing can be crucial for healing. Guilt might require making amends, whilst shame often needs deeper therapeutic work to address underlying beliefs about yourself. Embarrassment typically just needs time and perspective.

As a counsellor, I've supported many clients in understanding and working through shame, particularly when it stems from trauma or difficult childhood experiences. If you're struggling with persistent shame that's affecting your relationships and self-worth, I'm here to help.

Don't hesitate to reach out and schedule a session. Together, we can work on understanding these emotions and developing strategies for healing, particularly when shame has taken root in your life.