Does your partner control how you spend money, who you spend time with, or how you dress? Perhaps they twist situations so that arguments always end up being your fault, or use the children to manipulate your decisions. These experiences can be confusing and deeply unsettling, particularly when they happen gradually and without obvious violence. As a counsellor working with clients in the Reading area, I often use the Power and Control Wheel as a tool to help people make sense of what they are experiencing.

What is the Power and Control Wheel?

Developed in the 1980s by the Duluth Model in response to domestic abuse, the Power and Control Wheel maps out the tactics an abusive partner uses to maintain dominance in a relationship. It identifies eight key areas of controlling behaviour that surround a central theme of power and control. Understanding these tactics can be a powerful first step in recognising abuse.

The Eight Tactics of Control

The wheel identifies coercion and threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, minimising and blaming, using children, economic abuse, and using male privilege as the core methods through which control is maintained. These tactics rarely appear in isolation. They work together, reinforcing one another to create an environment where the victim feels trapped, confused, and increasingly dependent on their abuser.

Why it Can Be So Hard to Recognise

One of the most important things the Power and Control Wheel reveals is that physical violence is often just the outer edge of a much broader pattern. Many people in controlling relationships never experience physical abuse but live with constant fear, self-doubt, and a diminishing sense of who they are. Gaslighting, financial restriction, and isolation can be just as damaging as physical harm, yet they are far harder to name and recognise.

Why This Matters

Understanding the Power and Control Wheel can be genuinely validating. It gives language to experiences that can otherwise feel impossible to describe. Many clients I work with feel a sense of relief when they see their experiences reflected back to them so clearly. It helps them understand that what they have been living with is not normal, not their fault, and not something they have to continue to endure.

If any of this resonates with you, please know that you are not alone. As an online counsellor, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your experiences and find a way forward.

Do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a session. Together, we can work towards understanding your situation and building a path to safety, clarity, and healing.